The Meaning of Love
by ImNotCallingYouALiar
Summary: He was gone, my whole world empty. His armchair empty. His side of the bed empty. My heart crushed into tiny pieces. Almost non existant. But then i met him. The most beautiful man i had ever met. His copper hair and emerald eyes sparked something in me.
1. Meeting Mr Cullen

_Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer own Twilight and all the characters, I just enjoy playing around with them a bit. _

_Enjoy. _

The empty paper cup trembled in my hand as I glared up at the imposing house in front of me. I felt suddenly very alone in amongst the acres of land that surrounded me. Glaring down at my coffee stained shirt I realised how out of place I felt. I should have been in my comfy one room apartment curled up in blankets and watching Friends reruns that made me laugh until I cried not standing in front of a house which was probably one hundred times more expensive than my comfy apartment.

"Don't you dare leave," a familiar voice growled in my ear. Slumping down onto the stone steps that led up to the house I sighed into the phone. A gardener gave me a slight smile as I stretched out my tired legs. I was always tired.

"What is the point in going in though? The guy is going to take one look at me and spend the majority of the interview laughing his ass off. I am not a people person." Clutching the phone in my grasp I could almost imagine Rose as she paced up and down her massive office in Port Angeles and glared at anyone who approached her. She had everything she ever wanted and more. I couldn't help but envy her.

"But Bella you _are_ a people person," she whined down the line. Letting the coffee cup fall to the ground I smiled weakly although I knew she couldn't see me.

"That was before," I muttered. An icy wind seemed to crawl up my spine as I realised the time.

"You need to get over this 'before' bullshit," she snapped bluntly, "He would not want you moping around the flat all day staring at unpaid bills. You need money and for that you need a job. But seriously Bella I am running out of options and if you're so adamant that you wont come here and work then this is the next best thing."

"And now I am even more worried," I groaned, "You're idea of the next best thing normally involves several shots of tequila and then waking up on the beach the next day with a pounding headache." Curling my free hand into a fist I glanced longingly at my truck. It would have been so easy to ditch the interview and drive around for hours on end thinking about nothing. The idea was definitely appealing.

"You treat me like some sot of psychopath," I couldn't help but roll my eyes at Rose's description of herself, "But Bella this is just a PA job. Nothing terribly exciting or adventurous. Probably just answering hours upon hours of phone calls. Surely even you can deal with that?" Her words stung a little. I knew it was time for me to move on, to embrace more opportunities but she knew it hard it was for me.

"Bye Rose," I snapped into the phone as a gruff cough sounded from behind me. I stiffened.

"Bella?" Rose's voice was slightly softer, "Get your shit together. I'll see you tonight. We're going to get drunk whether you want to or not." Ignoring her last remark I snapped my phone shut as I turned to face the man behind me. He had a soft face and a curling moustache which he seemed to like tugging on with his ring finger.

"Is there any reason why you are sitting on my boss's front step? He does not take kindly to strangers, even pretty ones." The man's voice matched his soft features but there was a hard edge to it suggesting he was tougher than he appeared.

"Um.." I smoothed down my shirt again as I chewed on my bottom lip, "I'm actually here for an interview. My name is Bella."

"Bella Swan?" the man raised his eyebrows as his eyes flickered from my scuffed back converse up to my out of control hair, "You're late."

"Actually I was early and then Rose phone and then I saw how big the house was," I rambled, "And if I'm honest I don't think I'm really cut out for this job so-"

"Come along," he cut me off and gestured for me to follow him through the double doors at the front of the house. As I stumbled over the threshold I could not stop my jaw from slackening as I glanced around. Shit. I had absolutely no chance of fitting in. The shiny floor was so clean that I could see my own pitiful reflection staring back at me as I watched it sparkle in the sunlight streaming in from the two generous windows on either side of the door. Several paintings which just screamed expensive were dotted carefully around the room and in the centre of it all two sets of gold, winding stairs led up to the next floor. I felt like I was in a palace.

I winced as I noticed the faint black footprints I left in my path. My heart hammered in my chest as I followed the man through another set of double doors into what seemed like a waiting room.

"Stay here a moment," he murmured leaving me to stand alone in the middle of yet another extravagant room. My eyes couldn't help but land on the lavish oak desk overloaded with numerous folders and scraps of paper. Without conscious thought I padded around to the opposite side of the desk, my finger skirted along the keyboard and I couldn't help but frown at the layer of dust which I had picked up. Sitting down in the unoccupied chair I tried to imagine myself filling out paperwork and talking effortlessly on the telephone, but the image would just not appear.

"Miss Swan," a soft but insistent voice interrupted my train of thought. My cheeks flushed a deep red as I jumped up from the seat embarrassed at being caught looking around, "Mr Cullen is ready to see you now."

As a last minute attempt to make myself look semi presentable I smoothed down my hair and then reached to straighten my skirt. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes for a second before heading cautiously towards the open door. I felt suspiciously like a piece of meat being fed to a crowd of hungry lions. I swallowed loudly.

The door closed with a resounding bang behind me as I stepped into the office. Glancing around I felt myself start in surprise at how minimalist Mr Cullen's office space seemed. A larger desk than the one in the waiting room seemed to be the central point of the room. My converse squeaked on the cherry wood floor and I could not help but feel comforted by the warm brown colour of the wall. One wall was lined with bookshelves but other than that it was completely empty. Nothing in the room gave away any hint of his personality, anything which may mean something to him. It was slightly unnerving. Almost chilling.

Finally my eyes rested on Mr Cullen. I felt my cheeks warm again and my breath catch in my throat. He was the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on. His copper coloured hair was tousled as if he had just woken up and I seemed to almost drown in his emerald coloured eyes which seemed so focused on the work set out in front of him that he hadn't even registered my measly presence. A shiver ran down the length of my spine as I watched him pinch the edge of his nose in what seemed like an act of frustration and my whole body seemed to hum as he let out a small groan. I gasped a little at the sound and Mr Cullen's eyes flickered up to meet mine. I felt my cheeks grow more prominently red as he blinked once, and then again as if registering my presence after a long sleep.

"You're late." I shouldn't have been surprised by the almost musical lint to his voice even when he snapped at me, but I found myself stumbling backwards a step almost with shock. I was a wreck. And I instantly felt guilty for it.

"I know," I mumbled chewing furiously on my bottom lip, "I-I got distracted and then I w-wasn't sure whether I-"

He held up a hand as if to silence me. Scowling, I pressed my lips firmly together to stop myself from speaking while his eyes examined me from head to toe. I flinched as his eyes seemed to linger on the dark circles under my eyes and the stain on my white shirt. His eyes widened further as they finally landed on my converse before darting back up to my face. I felt like the centre piece in an art exhibition, his evaluation was excruciatingly slow and awkward.

"Do you always show up to your interviews wearing mud soaked converse and have coffee stains on your top?"

Still standing in the centre of the room I shuffled consistently from foot to foot. He didn't offer me a seat.

"I'm clumsy," I blurted somewhat defensively, "A-and I haven't been to an interview in a while and these were the only appropriate things I own and-"

"Miss Swan," he interrupted me again, "I have a certain standard for my staff. Many clients will have to walk through the waiting room to see me. I expect my Personal Assistant to tame their hair and wear a suitable height of high heels. I would also expect them to have been educated a little-"

"How dare you?" I spat before I even had the chance to process his sharp words, "If you had taken the time to read my file you would know that I graduated top of the class at my high school and I completed a year of my English literature degree before I had to drop out." I curled my hands into fists and stiffened my posture as Mr Cullen seemed to gaze at me almost curiously. I felt violated. Jerk.

"With all do respect I don't think you are appropriately qualified for the job." His tone was almost patronizing and I fought the urge to punch him on his perfectly shaped nose as his mouth tilted upwards into a crooked smile.

"With respect sir," I mimicked, "I doubt it is rocket science to answer phone calls and arrange meetings. Just because I don't own some swanky company worth millions doesn't mean I am not right for the job. You are just a pertinacious asshole!" The phone suddenly began to ring as if in attempt to cut the silence which had appeared between Cullen and I. He reached up to run a hand through his hair but did not attempt to answer the phone.

"Do you always talk to perspective employers like that?" Edward's voice was hard, almost as if he couldn't believe I had stood up to him. Rose would be proud.

"Only if they're assholes," I murmured before turning to the door, "Keep your lousy job. I'd much rather be at home sleeping than be here right now anyways."

Not looking back I stormed out of his office, only when I reached the front steps of the house did my calm façade begin to crumble. I sat down before my legs had the chance to give way and held my head in my hands. I was such a failure. I knew I needed that job. However much I wanted to hide myself in the depths of fantasy I knew I was due a long overdue trip back to reality. I couldn't hide behind doors for the rest of my life. I had to move on. I had to fulfil my promise. But sometimes it was just so damn hard.

Twenty minutes later I found myself sliding onto my favourite bar stool, my head still spinning. Jasper eyed my attire from behind the bar with a raised eyebrow.

"No oversized jersey today Swan?" Even after the countless heart to hearts we had shared his southern drawl still warmed my cheeks. Smiling slighting I flipped him off as I tapped my chewed nails repeatedly on the bar.

"No Barbie's fawning over you today Whitlock?" I shot back. He scrunched up is nose in disgust obviously remembering the overly excited blonde from the previous night, she had been practically drooling every time Jasper had spoken. It had been simply nauseating to watch.

"What can I say darling?" he winked at me as he leant close, "The girls like what they see." Laughing I rolled my eyes at his familiar antics. I loved how he never failed to make me laugh, he had been a comfort during the previous months. I had come to lean on him more than I ever imagined I would.

"Just get me something strong Whitlock. I've had a crappy day," I murmured entangling my hands together as I traced the familiar wooden pattern on the bar with my eyes. Around me I heard the comforting sounds of rowdy laughter and the slight thud as a ball connected with a snooker pew. It was almost my home away from home.

"I still feel weird selling you alcohol," Jasper admitted, his blue eyes soft as he reached behind him for the vodka. I tensed as someone brushed up against me in an attempt to get to the overcrowded bar, Jasper glared at them.

"Get used to it," I curled a loose strand of hair around my finger as I felt a slight pang in my heart, "I am officially twenty one as of last week and you now have no reason not to serve me."

"Well that's rubbish sweetheart," I smiled gratefully as he pushed my 'Cranberry delight' cocktail towards me, "Now what can I annoy you about?" Taking a sip of my drink, I embraced the slight burning feeling of the alcohol as it rolled down my throat.

"How about my inability to get a job?" I offered after a moment of thought. At that precise moment Rose stalked into the bar. She always looked so out of place in the dingy bar. Her red stilettos snapped consistently off the wooden floor and her wavy blonde hair seemed to glow under the manufactured lighting. Her face was sculptured into the perfect scowl and I felt sorry for the person on the receiving end of it until I realised it was me.

"Uh oh," Jasper's warm breath tickled my ear, "What did you do to wind my sister up this time? She looks like she wants to eat you for breakfast." Taking another gulp of my cocktail I sat up straighter as Rose's approach grew faster.

"What the hell did you do?" she growled as she sat down. Grabbing my drink from my hand she took a swig from it before slamming it back down onto the table with a resounding bang. I flinched.

"Huh?" I murmured. I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything to personally offend her since we had last spoken on the phone.

"Mr Cullen came in for an appointment with his lawyer today. He was in a foul mood. Even worse than usual and that's saying something," she paused to glare at Jasper who instantly started to make her usual drink, "then he started mouthing off at me for recommending you. I really wanted to swing for him by the end of it, no doubt he'll have scared away all of the prospective clients that were waiting for me in the waiting room." I gulped loudly as Rose snapped her drink from Jasper and proceeded to down it in three large gulps. I took another cautious sip of my own drink.

"He's an ass Rose," I spoke quietly, "He looked down on me. I didn't like it."

"Bella," she sighed in what seemed like exasperation as she shuffled closer to me, "It was only a temporary job until your back on your feet again. It was great pay and although Cullen is an ass he's also a God to all men. All you had to do was go with the flow, enjoy the view and wear something decent"

"This is decent!" I exclaimed throwing my arms up in annoyance. I bit down on my lip as Jasper examined my attire again.

"Hun, even I know that the only plus to that outfit is that the top button seems to have fallen off leaving a little more exposed." Blushing I instantly brought my hands up to my chest in a desperate attempt to cover myself.

"And what were you thinking?" Rose signalled for Jasper to make us more drinks as she spoke, "Drinking coffee before an interview? We both know how most of it normally end up on you rather than in your mouth."

"Sorry we cant all be so perfect Rose," I snapped back. Jasper pulled us a little apart as he returned with our drinks.

"Ladies, as much as the rest of the room would enjoy a cat fight I wouldn't. Chill, there's plenty of more interviews and Swan you can always join me behind the bar." Rose and I both scrunched up our faces at the thought.

"No way is my girl getting leered at by a bunch of old men," Rose said easily as she peered down at her red painted nails. Jasper winked at me. I loved my friends. As I sipped at my second cocktail I couldn't seem to get the devastatingly handsome face of Mr Cullen from my head. I was so screwed.

_Thoughts? Should I continue? _


	2. Failed promises

_Thank you all so much for your reviews, I really appreciate your feedback. Here is the next chapter. It is a little shorter than the first one but it provides some background information on Bella. Enjoy…_

Gasping, I opened my eyes. The luminous, natural light streaming in through the window blinded me momentarily. Groaning I rubbed at my aching side as I glared down at the sofa where I had fallen asleep yet again. I really had to get over my phobia of sleeping in the bedroom, of waking up in the middle of the night with no one warm to hold me until my nightmares subsided. I longed for the late night chats and bouts of laughter that we had at 3am, it was one of the things I would always miss most about him. One of many.

Pulling a sweater over my head I stumbled into my tiny kitchen, stubbing my toe on a chair as I went. Glancing around I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the unwashed dishes and empty tins littered around the kitchen, I was grateful that I hadn't been drunk enough to invite Rose back the previous night, she would have been appalled. Pushing a pile of plates to the side I scrambled up onto the counter to look in the cupboard. Nothing. Nada. Absolutely fuck all. My stomach growled in protest as I searched the fridge only to come to the same conclusion. I was a wreck. I was pathetic, starving wreck who was failing drastically to keep my promises.

Slamming the fridge shut I pulled my hair back off my face and then shoved my feet into my untied converse. Glancing in the mirror hanging in the lounge I let out a soft groan. In a way I looked almost haunted. Limp strands of my muddy coloured hair fell out of my make shift bun and around my pale, almost gaunt looking face. The prominent dark circles under my eyes told the world that I had been getting literally no sleep. And my eyes themselves looked sad as if I would burst into tears at any given moment. But I was done with tears. I was not going to waste any more water longing for things that were out of control, longing for the past. Getting rid of the smudged make up under my left eye I sighed before heading for the door. I had to face the world at some point.

The rain fell furiously around me, as if in a desperate attempt to clean up the tainted world. I spared a longing look at my truck before walking in the opposite direction. I had to take it into a garage and get it repaired at some point but the thought was like a punch in the stomach, like a stab of betrayal. It had always been his project, something he was desperate to finish before he left but he never had the opportunity, never had the strength. Instead it sat there day after day looking neglected, like a sad excuse for a vehicle, but it had always been my baby and there was no way I was giving up on it. I had taken a chance using it the previous day to get to my dreadful interview but it's insistent wheezing and grumbling told me it was going to die if it didn't get fixed, soon.

Stopping at the end of the street I paused to look back at my apartment block. The windows were fogged up with the rain and my patch of grass looked overgrown, wild and out of control, a little like I felt. I vowed to buy some paint and find the lawn mower, no doubt the neighbours were pissed off about my lack of 'neighbourhood pride.' I scoffed, that had always been Jake's area of expertise. His enthusiasm for getting involved masked my quiet tendencies. His charming smiles made up for my awkwardness. He had always been my protector. I hadn't realised how much he had helped me out of my shell until he was gone.

Ten minutes later I stumbled through the door of our regular diner, my feet squeaked on the mud streaked, tiled floor and I walked carefully desperate not to fall over and make a fool of myself like I had done numerous times before. Ignoring the pitying looks that were shot in my direction I hurried towards the counter, my head ducked. I bit my lip to stop myself from cursing.

"Bella!" Plastering a fake smile upon my face I forced myself to look up into the slightly orange face of Jessica Stanley. She hadn't changed one little bit since high school. I could almost see the eagerness in her eyes, her desire to know the gossip before anyone else did. Her red lip stick seemed to scream out amongst the surrounding bleakness of the diner. I had always thought she would disappear immediately after graduation, become an actress or something equally as dramatic to complement her full on personality but she had surprised me by sticking around. It saddened me a little. At least I had a reason for staying, at least I had an excuse to throw my life away. She could have had everything she had ever dreamed of and instead she had nothing.

"Jessica," I replied in a monotone, I was already itching to leave, people like Jessica Stanley had always been my downfall in life. My inability to form sentences and participate in small talk had always been frowned upon, I took it after my Dad.

"What can I get you?" I winced as she tapped her claw like nails on the work top and leant forward as if letting me in on some deep, dark secret. I couldn't help but smirk. Curling my hands into fists I tensed as I felt someone come up behind me, their obviously masculine smell made me edgy. Jessica straightened up and tried unsuccessfully to flutter her eyelashes, she looked a bit like a demented cat.

"The usual Jess," I murmured, very aware of the man behind me shuffling impatiently from foot to foot. I took a deep breath.

"Which is?" I fought the urge to smirk as she twirled a piece of her hair around her hair. She was trying way too hard. The man behind me let out another cough, he sounded almost agitated.

"Black coffee and a chocolate muffin Jess. You would think after working here for five years you would know one of your regular's orders." The man behind me laughed again deeply whish sent a tingling sensation down my spine. Jessica proceeded to roll her eyes and stalk through to the kitchen. I hid my own laughter behind my hand. Swirling around my laughter caught in my throat as my eyes drunk in the messy copper hair and memorable emerald eyes before me. Just fucking perfect.

"Mr Cullen?" I was proud that I had managed not to stutter. His emerald eyes seem to narrow in confusion as his eyes flickered down the length of my body almost with distaste as if he was trying to remember if he should know me. He seemed to smirk in satisfaction as my face flared red under his scrutiny. My cheeks grew more profoundly red as I realised I was wearing the coffee stained shirt from the day before. I fought the urge to hide my face in my hands and groan loudly.

"What are you doing here?" his voice was clipped as if he suddenly remembered who I was, almost as if he couldn't be bothered conversing with someone like me. I curled my hands into fists as I felt the sudden urge to break his nose, it would have been easy, I had Jake's self defence lessons ingrained permanently in my head.

"This is my regular diner," I snapped as Jessica returned with my coffee, "I think it is me who should be asking that question of you Mr Cullen." He didn't even flinch at the icy edge to my voice, instead he looked rather bored as he glanced down at his nails. What an ass.

"Unfortunately my car was involved in an accident and this was the only place I could get breakfast without walking too far. Believe me this would not have been my first choice," Jessica almost seemed to swoon as Mr Cullen continued to talk while I rolled my eyes and snatched my coffee from the counter, eager to leave.

"Of course not," I muttered under my breath, "I would ask if you were alright after your 'accident' but I simply cannot be bothered to waste my breath on a jerk such as yourself." His mouth curled downwards into a frown as if he couldn't quite believe the way in which I had spoken to him. I wanted nothing more than to go and hide in my apartment for the rest of the day and avoid cleaning. My stomach fluttered as he reached up to run a hand through his tangled hair giving me a show of his sculpted torso. I swallowed loudly.

"That is no way to talk to your employer," he spoke in a monotone as he picked up the plastic menu on the counter almost as if it was diseased. He really had no regard for anyone's feelings at all.

"Now you listen here-" I faltered as his words finally registered in my brain, "Wait. Employer? You didn't hire me."

"I left a message on your phone to say you were successful in obtaining the position of my PA which was why I was so surprised to see you here," his eyes once again flickered up and down my body as if he was making a decision, "I will give you today off so you can perhaps…clean up?" I tried to speak but no words would come out. I seemed to be in a complete state of shock.

"I've changed my mind," Mr Cullen placed the menu back on the counter, "I think I will suffer a longer walk in order to purchase something edible for breakfast. I do not appreciate tardiness Miss Swan. See you tomorrow."

What the hell had just happened?

_Thoughts?_


	3. First impressions

Thank you so much for you reviews, they are what give me the inspiration to continue. Sorry it has been so long between updates, life is just hectic at the moment. Anyway, enjoy..

One step.

Two step.

_Crap_.

Flinging my arms out in a desperate attempt to regain some balance I stumbled forwards. I was going to kill Rose or hide her phone, either would have the same devastating effect on her 'social life'. Glaring down at my feet I cursed the person who had ever come up with the great idea of heels.

Shuffling forwards I glanced at the stone steps before me. That was going to be a hell of a challenge. Chewing my lip with concentration I took a wobbly step upwards. I didn't feel like me. Rose's black shirt seemed to drown me, I didn't have any kind of breasts to put low cut tops to good use. I felt like a child playing dress up with her mother's clothes. The black skirt felt entirely too short to be appropriate for work but Rose had assured me that it was 'fine', hearing that word from her mouth continued to make me nervous. When Rose was involved nothing was ever 'fine'.

And then there were those dreaded stiletto heels. The damn heels that were trying to kill me. Rose knew about my clumsiness, my inability to walk properly even in flats. She could have given me a smaller heel. If I broke my neck I hoped Jasper would refuse to serve her alcohol, ever again. Smiling at the thought I let out a sigh of relief as I finally reached the top of the steps. Unsure what to do I pushed open the front door, the majestic hallway took my breath away just as it had during my last visit.

Smoothing down my hair I plastered a smile on my face before making my way towards the office. It was completely silent apart from the constant clip clop of my heels on the shiny floor. Ignoring the extravagant mirror hanging on the wall I pushed my shoulders back and then proceeded to trip into Mr Cullen's waiting room and what was to be my office. Dread seeped into my blood as my eyes gazed over the piles of paperwork and sticky notes on the desk which I knew to be mine.

"Mr Cullen?" My voice was hesitant, almost childlike. Clearing my throat I narrowed my eyes at his closed office door, either he was ignoring me or he was late. A smirk appeared on my face as I remembered him telling me that he didn't appreciate 'tardiness.' Apparently that rule was for his employees only. Well, I couldn't just wait around for him to appear and tell me what to while probably scolding me on my lack of 'common sense or initiative.' I blushed at the thought.

Gingerly I made the way towards my desk, it seemed overly excessive to have something so grand for a measly PA. Sinking into the leather chair behind it I instantly kicked off Rose's damn shoes. My heart dropped as I once again gazed over the mess cluttering up my desk, hopefully his old PA had some sort of system which would be easy to figure out.

Just over a hour later I was certain his old employee had been completely incompetent. Her overly lavish handwriting was a flurry of nonsense and it was clear from the dates on some of the forms around me that she had obviously been too busy painting her nails to get much work done. Loosening the top button on my shirt I wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead. It was blazing hot. Tossing another old invitation for Mr Cullen in the trash can I got to my feet and stretched my arms above my head. Jake had always joked about my ability to sit still for such long periods of time, it was only after he was gone that it had begun to bother me. Instead of sitting in a stuffy office I wanted to feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my face.

With my shoes off I padded around the edge of my desk, my hand stroking the expensive wood. Reaching the large window I pursed my lips as I examined how to open it. My eyes widened as I saw the handle right at very top. How the hell was any normal sized person supposed to reach that? Grabbing an elastic band off my desk I gathered all my hair into a messy bun at the back of my head as I clambered clumsily up onto the window ledge. Panting loudly I stood right up onto the tips of my toes as I reached desperately for the handle. It was still too fucking far away. Fanning myself briefly with my hand I reached up once more. There was no chance.

"Miss Swan?"

Clutching at my chest I let out a scream at the sound of the familiar, clipped voice.

"M-Mr Cullen?" I stuttered caught unaware. His narrowed emerald eyes seemed to glint a little in amusement as they flickered between the unopened window and my dishevelled appearance. It was almost becoming the norm for me to make an idiot of myself in front of him. I wanted nothing more than to hit my head repeatedly off the window, maybe it would have knocked some well needed sense into me.

"I was just-" In an attempt to explain I threw my hand dramatically towards the window. Mr Cullen's mouth curled up almost mockingly at the sides as his eyes flashed over me once more., "It was warm you see and I-"

"Get me coffee and phone Mr Jenks to arrange an urgent meeting in response to the mishaps in his contract." With that he turned on his heel without a backwards glance. My heart squeezed in my chest. He was so damn arrogant and rude and so god damned _sexy_. Annoyed, I attempted to shake the thought from my head.

"Oh and," Mr Cullen didn't turn around as he spoke, "speak to Sam about opening the window, it's not really prudent for my PA to be clambering around the office in her bare feet Miss Swan." My face flushed an even deeper red as he slammed the door in my face. How lovely.

Scrambling down from the window ledge I grabbed a pen frantically writing down what he had just barked at me before I forgot.

Coffee.

Where the hell was I supposed to get coffee? There had to be some sort of kitchen somewhere. Just to spite Mr Cullen I kept my shoes off as I walked out of the office. Stepping out of the confinements of the office I realised I had absolutely no idea where to go. I let out a squeak of fear as someone sneezed nearby, following the sound I smiled. Having someone else around sure made things easier.

A woman was on her knees scrubbing furiously at the floor. No wonder they were always so clean, I wondered if she'd volunteer to come and clean my tiny apartment, it was in desperate need of a little love and cleanliness.

"Excuse me?" I murmured, my voice sounded tiny in comparison to my large surroundings. I couldn't hold back a small gasp as the woman turned to face me. She was the kind of the girl I had always been envious of in high school. Her heart shaped face was framed by a cascade of shiny black hair, I imagined she would have been one of the sought after people once. Three scars dragged down the right side of her face and disappeared underneath the loose, yellow shirt that she wore. But somehow she still managed to look beautiful, that she belonged.

"Hello," one half of her mouth tilted upwards in a welcoming smile as she wiped her soapy hands on her trousers before standing up to greet me, "You must be the infamous Bella. Emmet says Mr Cullen has been muttering about you for the past two days."

"Emmet?" That was the only piece of information I seemed to be able to grasp.

"Emmet is Mr Cullen's driver, if he's not working you'll probably find him in the gym. I'm Emily, the cook and cleaner of the place and then there's Sam," Emily seemed to glance wistfully towards one of the extensive windows before turning back to me, "he's the gardener and all around handy guy. And then there's you."

"And then there's me," I murmured wondering once again how I had ended up where I was. My life was almost the script for some bad television drama.

"I'm guessing," Emily tilted her head to the side as she examined me, "that Mr Cullen wants his coffee and you have no idea what kind or where to get it."

"Am I that obvious?" I wondered aloud.

"I've just worked here a long time that's all and Mr Cullen is sure to be in a bad mood this morning," she picked up the bucket of water she had been using as she turned once again to face me, "Follow me, I'll show you where everything is. So far you seem a lot nicer than that blonde bimbo that he hired last time."

"He probably just wanted to screw her," I muttered under my breath as we passed back by my office, we heard Mr Cullen's raised voice from inside his own office. Emily didn't even bat an eyelash.

"You know, he isn't a bad man," Emily glanced up at me as we continued to walk in silence, "He's just been under a lot of stress lately and the press is giving him a hard time. Although no wonder after last nights shenanigans stumbling out of a nightclub at three in the morning with yet another girl on his arm." She tutted with obvious annoyance as we entered the kitchen, shining just like everywhere else. A sour taste had entered my mouth at the thought of some girl grabbing onto Edward's arm as he laughed at something she said.

"This place is huge," I said in an attempt to distract myself. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that one man wanted so much space, didn't he ever get lonely?

"It sure is," Emily smile softly, "Feel free to eat anything from in here, most of it ends up going home with me because it never gets eaten before it goes out of date. I keep telling him to order less because he hardly ever eats in but he just doesn't listen." It sounded remotely like Emily and Mr Cullen were actually on friendly, speaking terms, the idea sounded almost foreign to me. He just seemed to know how to wind me up almost effortlessly.

"Emily, there you are!"

Not turning around for a second I had the satisfaction of seeing Emily's cheeks grow pink in pleasure. Hiding my smile behind my hand I watched as the man that made Emily blush so easily stepped into view. The first thing I noticed was his height, he seemed to make Emily seem so tiny just by standing beside her. His kind brown eyes immediately sought out Emily before glancing at me, the adoration on his face was plain to see. Emily looked shyly down at the ground before sending a look my way, I knew that look, it was the 'help' look that Rose had often sent my way but in this case I didn't understand why Emily wanted to be saved.

"You must be…Sam?" I guessed remembering Emily's earlier wistful look out of the window. His copper skin was almost the colour of mud when it shines in the sun, he reminded me of Jake a little, the outdoory persona that just seemed to radiate from him. I swallowed a painful lump in my throat.

"Yeah," he grinned at me, "And you must be the famous Bella who verbally assaulted my boss in his very own office, I should probably dislike you for that but he has been an ass lately."

"Sam!" Emily scolded as she handed me a mug of steaming coffee. Sam smiled in guilt before pulling Emily into a one sided hug.

"He likes it frothy with a lot of milk and two sugars, he has a sweet tooth," Emily told me quietly, "I'll make a list of what his regular clients usually drink as well if you want?" I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to throw her up in the air and dance for joy.

"You are a life saver," I told her before glancing up at the clock and realising how long I had been gone, "but I need to go before he fires me on day one." Emily giggled.

"You intrigue him too much for that. Sam, can you open the window in Bella's office. And I'm making lasagne for dinner if any of you want some." With that she left the room leaving me and Sam to stare after her.

Less than five minutes later I stood in front of Mr Cullen's door, the mug was burning my hands. Counting to ten I tried to build up the courage to go in.

"He'll be mad if you let that get cold," Sam spoke up from his position beside the window. Taking a deep breath I knocked once before opening the door. Mr Cullen didn't even look up, his eyes were darkened in anger as he shouted into the phone.

"He has made inquires with the Denalis?" he shouted into the phone, I flinched as I took a step forwards, "Why does he not show up to the bar? He says he is busy but I have invited him several times."

There was a pause, during which time Mr Cullen raised his head enough to glare at me. Coffee sloshed over the side of the mug, burning my hand as I hurried forward and placed it on his desk.

"Tom Weber is playing me and I don't like it. We need this deal, his company is global for fucks sake. We cant let Tanya win this one or else Cullen Inc is in serious trouble."

Shutting his office door behind me I leant against it and let out a deep breath. I wondered if I would ever get used to the striking emerald colour of his eyes? Probably not. Going back to my desk I sifted through the piles of papers until I found what I was looking for. I knew I had recognised the name.

There was an invitation for Mr Cullen to a charity event hosted by Angela Weber. It was too much of a coincidence, surely she must have some relation to the 'Tom Weber' that Mr Cullen was shouting about. Looking at his diary for the night I noticed he already had a meeting with prospective clients at a bar, but it was a regular thing, surely he wouldn't be missed for one night.

With shaking hands I removed the entry and pencilled in the charity event instead and then emailed Emmet to let him know the change in plans. Lounging backwards in my seat I only hoped I had made the right choice. Surely Tom Weber would be there. Or else, I may just have lost my job. Great.

_Thoughts?_


	4. Feeling small

_Hey. I totally deserve for no one to read this, it has been such an incredibly long time since my last update. And I really have no excuses except I am one lazy individual. Hope this makes up for it though. Enjoy. _

My flat shoes squeaked loudly on the freshly cleaned floor as I walked. The house was empty. It seemed so big and lonely without the sound of laughter or loud voices. I tried to imagine Mr Cullen entertaining. Men standing around in suits swigging casually from their beer as their wives whispered to each other and blushed every time they caught a waiter's eye. I imagined something extravagant and completely out of my league; a world away from the pizza parties I had with Rose and Jasper. No doubt there would be scandal involved at any Cullen party. I had only known the man a couple of days but he already scared me half to death and his mood swings were unpredictable, sometime catastrophic. He was certainly the type of man to be involved in a scandal or two.

"Excuse me."

Shaking myself from my daydream I realised I was standing in the middle of the large entrance hall gazing almost pathetically at the grand staircase. My mind drifted back to the lumpy couch and half empty packet of noodles that had been my only comforts the night before in my tiny apartment. I was kidding myself with my dreams of fancy parties and a certain beautiful man. I had to get over myself. Or get drunk.

The person before me was majestic. That was really the only way to describe her. She was glancing down at her perfectly manicured fingernails impatiently as she waited for me to come back down to reality. The height of her high heels made her seem impossibly tall and her legs were never ending. However, it was her eyes that I noticed first; sharp eyes so calculating that I felt she was watching my every move even while acting indifferent to my presence. I could tell she was intelligent just by looking at her. Some people just got all the luck.

"H-Hi," I stuttered as her mouth quirked upwards into an almost mocking smirk, "How can I help you?" I wondered briefly if she was a girlfriend of Mr Cullen. The thought made my stomach clench in unexpected pain. It really didn't matter to me who he saw outside of work. It really didn't. She seemed like the type of woman I would picture Edward with. Someone strong and powerful. Someone who was the complete opposite of me. I swallowed loudly.

"Isabella Swan; new personal assistant to Edward. Is that correct?" Her eyes were narrowed and they seemed to skim over me as if there was nothing much to see. I noted the way her eyes lingered on my non existent chest and the stain on the collar of my shirt that would just not wash out. I twisted my hands together in an attempt to not do anything embarrassing. Perhaps she was a prospective client. If I scared her away I would probably get fired in an instant. I was replaceable after all. I was one of many.

"I am Tanya Denali. Get me a coffee; black. I'll be waiting in Edward's office for him when he eventually decides to roll out of bed. Excuse me."

My mouth seemed to unhinge at the jaw as she swiftly turned her back and walked away from me, her skyscraper heels clicking almost ominously on the floor. I continued to watch her as she slipped into my office. _My_ office. The bitch. Who the hell did she think she was?

I couldn't believe I had just let her treat me like a piece of shit on the end of her eight hundred dollar stilettos. Jasper and Rose would have pulled her apart and had her for breakfast if she had spoken in such a tone to them. Yet instead I found myself following her orders like a meek little kitten.

Curling my hands into fists I stamped almost childishly around to the kitchen. I was hoping with all my heart that Emily would be there to banish my sour mood but instead I was greeted by the same lingering silence that seemed to be present in the rest of the house. Chewing on my bottom lip I forced myself to make Tanya's coffee. Black like her soul.

I couldn't help but smile slightly as I walked slowly back to my office. Sun shone in one of the large windows and I got a glimpse of Sam and Emily out in the garden, laughing. They seemed so carefree and hopeful. I wondered if I could ever be like them again. As soon as the thought appeared I squashed it. My carefree days had been with Jake. I was never the spontaneous one. He was the one that made sure I got my daily quota of sun. He was the one who jumped off cliffs and challenged to people to food fights for fun. I was just Bella. Serious, fun squashing Bella. Without him I really had no desire to do something crazy. I bet Tanya fucking Denali did bungee jumping or something in her spare time. That really would be the icing on the million dollar cake.

Sighing, I pushed open the heavy door with all my strength. Rose had been begging me to go to the gym with her for months but the thought of drooling men crowding around her as she ran on the treadmill would have made me laugh too much. Besides I liked my good friends Ben and Jerry to much for exercise to have any effect on me. Glancing at my desk I groaned at the pile of paper work already waiting for me. I wondered what I had done in the past to deserve such a shitty life. Trying to ignore the paperwork for the moment I made my way towards Mr Cullen's office.

"You cannot just show up like this Tanya."

I stopped dead in my tracks. The icy undercurrent to Mr Cullen's voice was something new. It was almost feral sounding. I thought I had seen him at his most angry but it was obvious I was wrong. He sounded out of control which was definitely one thing I had never witnessed.

"He was _mine_ Cullen," Tanya's voice was almost as cold as Edwards, "He was my client. I understand that you're a bit sour after the incident," her laugh sent a chill down my spine, "but you're a big boy Edward and I plan to squash your little company until it is a mere memory to my clients."

The silence that filled the room seemed louder than the previous conversation. I could feel Tanya's coffee getting colder in my hands. I tugged on my bottom lip with my teeth. What the hell was I supposed to do? My fingers itched to grab my phone and phone Rose.

"So. Bella sure is nice. A little bit on the curvier side from your normal taste Eddie. And have you seen the hideous hand me downs she wears?" Tanya's voice was like a slap on the face. The change of conversation shocked me, "I thought you were struggling but this just shows how desperate you really are. I always knew you would fail."

"You _bitch_," Mr Cullen snarled. I heard something smash. The mug of coffee shook in my hand. Without a second thought I knocked once sharply on the door before stumbling in the room. He had defended me, whether intentional or not. He had defended me.

Mr Cullen stood behind his imposing desk. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone and his copper coloured hair seemed in a bigger disarray than the previous day. His breathing was loud as he glared at Tanya who leant casually against one of the walls, still glancing down at her fingernails. She seemed perfectly at ease with the situation.

"It's a pity. I always liked that fruit bowl," she smiled glancing down at the shards of glass on the floor before walking towards me, "Thanks for the coffee Bella. But next time be a little quicker so I can actually consume it without wanting to vomit."

I couldn't move as she began to walk towards the door.

"Oh and Bella darling," she glanced over her shoulder, "Try and get some sleep, you look impossibly pale. Almost un-human. Goodbye Eddie."

I watched as he curled and uncurled his fist as if to prevent himself from lashing out. He looked so fierce and dangerous and almost stunningly beautiful. It hurt to look at him for too long. The slam of the front door made me jump in fright causing coffee to spill onto my shirt. Rose was going to murder me.

"What was that-" I began to ask but Mr Cullen's glare stopped me in an instant.

"Get out," he growled. I had never felt so impossibly small. The effect Tanya had to have over him was confusing. I could almost sense the history between them. The long history.

"But-" I tried.

"Get out," he snapped, "Go home. Take the day off."

I stayed where I was. He couldn't be serious.

"_Now_," he snarled.

On auto pilot I turned and tried to walk out of his office with some sort of dignity. I could feel his eyes burning holes in the back of my head. He had serious anger management issues. Slumping down in my chair I slammed Tanya's empty mug on my desk, the sound echoed throughout the office. I felt like I had just run a marathon. Catching sight of my reflection in the window I noticed the red flush that had crept up my neck and the wideness of my eyes. Nothing ever seemed to go right for me.

The creak of the door set me on high alert. Shuffling the paper work into a decent pile I picked them up and prepared to leave. I would do some work at home.

"I forgot something," Mr Cullen's voice was gruff as he pressed a cheque into my hand, "This is for you. In future I would appreciate it if you consulted me before you decided it was your right to change my previously made appointments. However, this time it worked in your favour."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand," my voice sounded small. Glancing down at the cheque my eyes bulged. That was an insane amount of money.

"Tom Weber was at his daughter's charity event and signed a deal with me. It was your idea. Take the money."

I watched in shock as he turned his back on me and walked back into his office, slamming the door on his way. He flung away his money like it was nothing. I remembered the first pay check Jacob had ever gotten as my husband, the way he split it up and left enough for a treat Chinese at the end of the month. A sour taste filled my mouth. Leaving the cheque on my desk I walked out of the front door and into the garden. Edward didn't even say thank you. I was going to teach him that I could not be bought. I wasn't like the rest of the women in the world he lived in.

I was Bella. Bella Swan. And for a second I was damn proud of being me.

Pulling out my phone I immediately dialled Jasper's number. I really needed a drink.

_Thoughts? _

_What did you all think of grumpy Mr Cullen? And who think they know what's going on with Tanya? Let me know. Gracias. _


	5. Feeling wanted

_Thank you all so much for the reviews. Here's a little chapter to stop you all from losing faith. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. _

"Tanya is difficult to explain."

I watched as Emily carefully cut the vegetables in front of her. She had a thoughtful look on her face and I had to hide a smile as her eyes flickered to the window to look for Sam. For some unnameable reason, she had been avoiding him all week.

"Difficult?" I scoffed from where I sat on the kitchen counter, "He threw a fruit bowl at her and she just smiled. I'm trying to decide which of them is more crazy."

The atmosphere in the house had been tense ever since her visit. Mr Cullen seemed more stressed than usual and I became accustomed to his daily scowls and short responses whenever I built up the courage to ask him a question. The cheque he had given me still sat on the edge of my desk glaring at me but I refused to give in. I had to show him that I could not be bought. I was not one of his brainless bimbos.

"I really shouldn't be telling you this," Emily murmured as she wiped her hands on the apron she wore. Throughout the week I had also witnesses the extent of Emily's loyalty towards Edward and the disappointment that seemed to radiate from her whenever he was photographed by the paparazzi with another women. At first I had thought that she worshiped him blindly but then I saw the gentle way in which he spoke to her and the rare grin that he shot in her direction. He was a different person when conversing with Emily and I was itching to know the history between them.

"Please Em," I whined. The whole situation had been driving me crazy. Rose threatened to tie me to a chair if I didn't stop biting my nails and Jasper had just laughed at all of my wild theories. I thought my theory about her being an Aileen from another planet was pretty plausible. Jake had often said that once I had a hold of something, I rarely let go until I knew the answer. He said it was one of the things that he loved most about me. I flinched.

"They were engaged," Emily shrugged, breaking me out of my trance as she turned around to face me, "Tanya actually started out as his PA like you and within eight months Edward had asked her to marry him. He waited at the church for her but she didn't turn up and then she opened up a rival company. She was only with him for information."

Pity consumed me. No wonder he was so damn bitter all the time. I thought of her flawless skin and uncreased clothes. She was every man's dream and I shouldn't of been surprised that Edward had fallen for her charm.

"That's awful." I thought of Jake's face when I had walked down the aisle towards him; the adoration and happiness that had made my heart squeeze. Of course there had been a moment of doubt outside of the church that had left me momentarily breathless but never, even then, had I considered the thought of abandoning him. He had needed me. We needed each other. It was the right thing to do.

"It affected him more than he lets on. He's distanced himself from his family and is consumed by his work. I worry about him," Emily's hand shook as she reached for a stack of plates, "He was always kind to me though."

Maybe I had been to hard on him. Maybe we were both too damaged by the tragedies in our lives to move on. I smiled slightly. It seemed we did have something in common after all. Our bitterness.

The kitchen was blanketed in a sudden silence.

"I'm _knackered_," Emily and I both jumped as Sam flung open the kitchen door. Mud was smeared under his right eye and I could see Emily's hand itching to wipe it away. She flushed a soft pink as he flung his arm casually around her. I still firmly believed that they would be perfect for each other one day.

"Something smells great," he announced as he sniffed the air, "What's for eating?"

"Sausage Casserole," her face grew flushed from the praise as she ducked out from beneath Sam's arm to switch off the oven. I watched as she wrote down a set of instructions so Mr Cullen could heat up his own plate if he ever emerged from his office. I wondered if he realised how lucky he was to have someone like Emily look out for him. She consistently put others before herself.

"So, Bella. Tried to open any more windows lately?" Sam smirked as Emily handed him his dinner. I whacked him on the arm while Emily pressed her hand against her mouth to muffle laughter. They were pretty great people to work with. I squirmed as Sam reached out to place his hat on my head and Emily's laughter grew louder.

"What's going on in here?"

The laughter stopped abruptly.

I turned to see Mr Cullen standing in the doorway. His bronze hair was sticking up in all different directions and he looked more tired than usual. He almost looked human. It was refreshing to learn that I wasn't the only mess in the house.

"We had leftovers," Emily didn't seem phased as she handed Mr Cullen his plate, "and I didn't want to see them go to waste."

"Good idea Emily," he smiled at her, actually smiled, before he turned to face me, "Bella? What are you still doing here? I told you that you could go home hours ago." I didn't want to tell him that the thought of going home to my empty apartment had been plaguing me all day. The thought of Jake's shirts still hanging in our wardrobe and the mess waiting for me made my throat constrict. I simply shrugged.

"Mr Weber had a few questions regarding his contract that I typed up and sent to you. Also, I had to change around some of your appointments for Monday and the press called again but I told them you were busy-"

"You're forgetting the real reason you stayed," Emmet grinned as he walked casually into the room, "Emily's cooking. Nobody can resist that."

I had met Emmet a couple of days before. He was the type of person who seemed to brighten up the room. Within an hour of meeting me he had flung me over his shoulder and decided that I should have been named 'Clumsy' instead of Bella. He never failed to cheer me up.

"Well, Bella did help me make the cheesecake for desert." I waited for Mr Cullen to give me into trouble for neglecting my duties and telling me that I had more important things to be doing then making cakes but instead he just laughed. The sound sent a shiver up the length of my spine. I had never heard him laugh before.

As everyone sat down to eat I could not help but pause and look around me. It had been such a long time since I had sat down to eat with anyone. Rose and I often ate at the bar or ordered in Chinese food. When Jake had still been alive, I had regularly cooked but the thought of cooking always seemed like too much effort after he died.

Mr Cullen had loosened his tie around his neck and Emily finally developed the courage to reach up and wipe the smear of mud from under Sam's eyes. I couldn't help the loud groan of satisfaction that escaped me as I took a bite of my dinner. It was delicious. It was only a minute later that I realised everyone was laughing at me.

"Who knew Clumsy could eat like an animal?" Emmet winked at me from across the table. My face went bright red.

As Friday nights went, it was one of the best I had ever had. For once, I didn't feel guilty. It was refreshing.

_Thoughts? _


End file.
